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TWO DRINKS AND A BENADRYL

a blog

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Please Don't Leave Me.

1/2/2021

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Wait. I take it all back. All those things I taught you about being independent and strong minded. To be self confident and powerful. Never mind. I wasn't counting on that making you ready to leave. To fly away into the world. I want a do-over. Let's be farmers. They aren't allowed to leave. Or Germans. They all stay in the same house their entire lives - they just rotate floors. Great-grandma dies and everyone moves up a level. Let's do that. Forget about this college nonsense.

My daughter left me. And went to college. Looking back, I'm not sure she should be allowed do to that. Raising her was hard. My reward is for her to up and leave? 

House Party

5:40 am. Alarm goes off. Supposed to be down in Colorado Springs for baseball in 2 hours. Check my phone. 12 missed calls and 2 voicemails. What the hell.

Voicemail #1: 1:23 am "Mrs. Bard. This is officer Johnson (this is a fake name - I picked Johnson because Jones seemed too plain) with the Douglas county sheriff's office. I have your daughter Ashton here with me. Unfortunately she will have to spend the night in the county jail if you or Mr. Bard are not available to pick her up immediately. My number is... "

Ok. This sucks. 

Voicemail #2: 1:58 am "Alisa its Jim. I have Ashton and Lizzy and Kelsie. I talked to the cop and convinced him to let me take Ashton home with me. So she's at my house. Call me when you get this."

What. The. Hell.

Where is Autumn? He didn't say anything about Autumn. Shit I've lost Autumn and my daughter may or may not be in the county jail. And I have to shower and be at a baseball game an hour and a half away....in 2 hours. This is going to be one crappy day. Wait. JIM has Ashton??? (Footnote / Autumn is Ashton's friend whose parents are vacationing in Hawaii, and of whom I am currently legal guardian for the next 10 days.)

After a complete freak out that awoke the entire household, I went upstairs for a some reason and checked Ashton's bed. There was Autumn. Asleep in the bed. Also there were two human shaped lumps that were apparently created to look like Ashton and Lizzy.

Long story short the three of them had decided to throw a party at Autumn's empty house, whose parents were in Hawaii. The party got busted and Autumn and Ashton were pulled over for being out after curfew. I had to make an unfortunate phone call to Hawaii and they got grounded.

3 years later after all I've done for her she's leaving me. For college I guess.

Head injury

"Alisa, put the eggs down we have to drive her to the ER. It's faster than waiting for an ambulance."

Says my friend holding my 2 year old baby in her arms. With my 2 year old baby's blood. All. Over. Her. I took a look and saw her skull through the gash in her forehead and freaked out. I was 8 months pregnant with her brother. There was also another kid there somewhere who was mine. He was one something.  I for the life of me can't remember what we did with him. Surely there was a babysitter involved. I'll have to ask Kristen.


OK I remembered - the neighbor came over and watched the siblings. Whew.

So I climbed into the backseat of her minivan and held a wet towel to my baby's bleeding forehead while Kristen raced us 30 minutes into town to the ER. We didn't have cell phones then, and my husband was on the baseball field, so getting ahold of him was tricky. I finally got his secretary to go down and tell him to meet us at the hospital.

When we got there, the ER doctors refused to put stitches in her tiny forehead, so we waited several hours for the plastic surgeon to get out of surgery. Did I mention I was 8 months pregnant? He and the nurses decided rather than strapping our baby down, we would all hold a limb. Good idea if I weren't already quite traumatized (and yep, still pregnant.) One look at the anesthesia needle being plunged into the window to her brain and I suddenly found myself sitting in a chair in the corner of the room being cared for by the nurses. Geez way to be tough. 

They all got through the procedure splendidly without me, and 40 tiny stitches later we were on our way home.


I held a towel to your bleeding head. Another reason you can't leave me.


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    Alisa Bard

    I have always loved to write. Over the years I've put my thoughts, experiences and opinions on paper. Some of these posts are old and some are new. 

    I have learned a lot of things over 50 years of raising four kids, running multiple businesses, and moving often. 

    These posts will be tips and tricks, life hacks, parenting advice and fails, and even some "how-to" thoughts sprinkled in.

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